Don’t underestimate your child’s access to adult content

We cannot compare the dangers our children face today to those of 20 years ago. Exposure to adult content happens in our homes before we are even aware of it and it hurts our children both mentally and emotionally – scars that cannot be seen or healed as quickly as physical pain. 

When we think about adult content the thing that comes to mind is young boys peering over each other’s shoulders, looking at ‘soft porn’ and giggling with their friends in the corner cafe.  This however, is very far from the truth in the 21st Century.  Nowadays, children are more vulnerable to sexual solicitation, and it’s important for parents to be aware of the real dangers.
 
Here are some facts according to recent studies:

• Internet offenders manipulate young people into criminal sexual relationships by appealing to their desire to be appreciated, understood, take risks, experience adventure, need for independence and to learn about sex. 
• Internet offenders exploit youth that are open and willing to talk about sex online.
• Most victims go voluntarily to meet and have sex with Internet offenders.  These are nonetheless, serious crimes that take advantage of inexperienced and vulnerable young people. 
• Many youth participate in the criminal offense of child pornography by sexting. 
• Youth take more risks when they’re online, especially when interacting with their peers.
• Pedophiles and other sexual predators can use the Internet, with no precautions, to exchange names and addresses of other pedophiles and of potential child victims. Hidden behind screen names that are pseudonyms, they gather online and swap child pornography.

When looking at these dangers, one can assume that the damage it causes is severe.  Participating in these activities gives young people a false sense of maturity that builds their confidence (so they think) and actually encourages further exploration and exploitation.

Chat rooms, pornography and sexting are just a few examples of ‘places’ youth may encounter the above mentioned dangers.  So, here’s a recap on each to highlight the dangers and help you, help your child make informed decisions:

Chat rooms

A chat room can be defined as any technology ranging from real-time online chat over instant messaging and online forums to fully immersive graphical social environments. 

According to a study done by ParentsCorner, potential dangers to children include:  sexually-explicit conversations, cyber-sex, explicit photographs landing in the wrong hands, meeting with potentially dangerous people and possible abduction and giving potentially dangerous people access to other channels of communications, such as email, cell phone number. 

Chat rooms are advertised in places and on platforms frequented by children. There is no “watershed” on the internet.  It should be noted that even though the terms and conditions of the sites said that participants needed to be over 18 years of age, none of the chat rooms included in the study required an identity number or other proof of age to gain access.  Also, terms and conditions are often difficult for the average user to find, or not included in the registration process, or only revealed once the chat room has been entered.

Pornography

Pornography is the explicit portrayal of sexual subject matter for the purposes of sexual arousal and erotic satisfaction.

It is really easy for youth to get access to these materials online.  If you have no security settings in place on either your child’s mobile phone or on your computer, it is as simple as requesting a topic and then looking at the images or content appearing on your screen.   Here are some of the dangers children are exposed to through pornography:

• It threatens to make children victims of sexual abuse;
• It motivates children to act out sexually against other children;
• It develops distorted perceptions about sexuality;
• It expands an appetite for more deviant, bizarre, or violent types of pornography;
• It interferes with a child’s development and identity.

 

Sexting 

Mobile sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobile phones.

It has been identified that 60% of children know it is wrong; however 20% do it anyway. Once something has been distributed and spread digitally, it is pretty much impossible to delete it.  It is also noted by youth, that they have grown so accustomed to seeing sexually explicit material that it numbs them.  This however, is only half a truth, because as interest in sexual behavior has soared the material also gets more explicit by the day. The dangers experienced by sexting are humiliation, trauma, emotional distress caused by disgraceful private photos and content being forwarded throughout your child’s schools, surrounding schools and the community in general.

It’s important to have an open and honest discussion with your children about these things.  If you do not have the type of relationship where you can talk about these things freely, ask someone you know and they trust to join and support you in your quest to keep your child safe.  Do not judge what they have done, but encourage honesty from now on.  Here are some rules you and your child can co-sign and put up in a public area in your home. 

Our technology commitment:

1. I will think carefully about what I post on the Web and SMS to others;
2. I will avoid provocative and sexy names or pictures, as they will only draw negative attention to me from the wrong people;
3. I will be aware of what I view or download - even if it’s for a laugh;  
4. I will keep away from logging on to sexually orientated sites and chat rooms that may connect me with people who can harass me in ways I don't feel comfortable with or anticipate;
5. I will be more vigilant when accessing free downloads and file-sharing, which can open the gateway to unwanted pornography on my computer;
6. I will not talk to any person about sex online; 
7. I will not meet any person, whom I met online for either online or offline sexual favors;
8. I will not play along with people online, who are behaving badly, taking irresponsible risks and acting strangely;
9. I will report inappropriate online behavior to my parents or a trusted guardian;
10. I will stay true to my own values and rules online and I won’t allow friends to influence and pressure me to do things I ordinarily wouldn't;
11. I will not harass others via technology;
12. I will not overestimate my ability to handle situations and I will seek help and support from your parents or an adult when confronted with potential danger. 

_______________________                    _______________________
Child                                                   Parent