Cyber bullying

By Wilmie van Tonder (Social Worker and Family Therapist)

I often hear about cybercrime, and learn about the effects it has on its victims but up until a few weeks ago I was totally ignorant about the general involvement of minors in these horrific acts. It was on the show of a famous talk show host that I first heard the words “sexting” and “cyber bullying”. She talked to teenagers that were deeply involved, but truly showed no remorse. What actually shocked me to my core was their parents’ response: ignorance. Many of them knew about this, but failed to take real action. Like me, they had no idea of the magnitude of the situation their children were involved in.

This month we are going to take a look at cyber bullying and if nothing else, create awareness.

What is cyber bullying?

According to StopCyberbullying (www.stopcyberbullying.org), “cyber bullying” is when a minor is either tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted by another minor by means of the internet, interactive and digital technologies or mobile phones. Once an adult gets involved it is called cyber-harassment or cyber stalking. Methods used are limited only by the child’s imagination and access to technology, but thanks to modern technology, kids can now be cyber bullied 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, instantly and repeatedly. According to research 84% of today’s parents don’t know how to help kids conquer this threat, turning them into victims themselves.

Examples of cyber bullying

The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) tell the story of Kylie Kenney in an article on cyber bullying. This eighth grader was targeted by peers who created a Web site, titled “Kill Kylie Incorporated”. The site featured a list of crude insults beneath the heading: “She’s queer because….” Although she immediately reported the incident, the impact of the bullying was so severe she was forced to change schools.

There are two variants: direct attacks (messages sent to kids directly) and cyber bullying by proxy (using others to help cyber bully the victim, either with or without the accomplice’s knowledge). The latter gets adults involved and are therefore much more dangerous. Murder and suicide have occurred as a result of cyber bullying. Research shows that between 13-15% of teens have either received threatening e-mails and text messages or had their private conversations posted online for all to see or have had false rumours spread about them somewhere online (www.howtostopcyberbullying.com).

Profile of a cyber-bully

Cyber bullying is often motivated by anger, revenge or frustration. Sometimes it has entertainment value while for others it is about power play. Kids might be bored or just try to get some attention or reaction. Some may even think they are righting a wrong by standing up for others.

The site ‘Stop Cyber bullying’ (www.stopcyberbullying.org/teens/are_you_a_cyberbully.html) has put together a questionnaire that your child can go through in order to determine if he is a cyber bully:

Have you ever: 1. …signed on with someone else’s screen name to gather information? 2. …sent an e-mail or online greeting card from someone else’s account? 3. …impersonated someone over IM or online? 4. …teased or frightened someone over IM? 5. …not told someone who you really are online, telling them to “guess”? 6. …forwarded a private IM conversation or e-mail without the permission of the other person? 7. …changed your profile or assay message designed to embarrass or frighten someone? 8. …posted pictures or information about someone on a Web site without their consent? 9. …created an Internet poll, either over IM or on a Web site, about someone without their consent? 10. …used information found online to follow, tease, embarrass or harass someone in person? 11. …sent rude or scary things to someone, even if you were just joking? 12. …used bad language online? 13. …signed someone else up for something online without their permission? 14. …used an IM or e-mail address that looked like someone else’s? 15. …used someone else’s password for any reason without permission? 16. …hacked into someone else’s computer or sent a virus to them? 17. …insulted someone in an interactive game room? 18. …posted rue things or lies about someone online? 19. …voted at an online bashing poll or posted to a guestbook saying rude or mean things? (Note that all of the above qualify as forms of cyber bullying.)

Steps to preventing cyber bullying

Because motives differ, solutions and responses should be adapted accordingly. Here are some tips:

• Educate your kids about the consequences of cyber bullying and form some consequences of your own, then follow through (e.g. losing their internet service provider or instant messages accounts);
• Teach them to respect the boundaries of all people and to take a stand against bullying of all kinds;
• Build a relationship with your child that enables them to trust you with their good AND bad decisions or experiences;
• React in a way that will make your child feel secure and safe. Do not act on impulse, out of anger or irrationally. Consider these two things before anything else: Is your child at risk of physical harm or assault? And how are they handling the attacks emotionally? Your actions have to escalate as the threat to your child does;
• Don’t brush off the emotional impact that cyber bullying has on children. Be supportive and understanding. It is a well-known fact that cyber bullying leads to children of a very young age struggling with severe depression, anxiety, self-mutilation and suicidal thoughts;
• If you do come across evidence of cyber bullying, keep a thorough record and report it as quickly as possible to the local authorities, especially if personal contact information has been posted online. Printouts are not sustainable evidence. You will need electronic evidence and live data;
• Inform your child’s school, (peer or family) counsellor and paediatrician if things progress. It is crucial for them to support your family in any way they can;
• Kids often change roles, going from victim to bully and back again. They may not even realise that they are bullying another child. It is crucial to teach our children not to take matters into their own hands and become vengeful cyber bullies themselves, but to come to you. Children should understand that by speaking out and helping others in the same situation, they will be controlling technology instead of being controlled by it.

Get support

In most first world countries, Legislation is in place that protects minors from cyber bullying. Upon my search into South African law and support I was quite surprised to find the following information on www.info.gov.za/speech. On the 19 February 2010 a draft cyber-crime policy was gazetted, inviting public comments. The revised and integrated document shall be finished during 2010. Until then Minister of Police, Nathi Mthethwa, ensures the public that police will receive on-going training in dealing with cybercrime and urges parents to involve their local authorities in this fight against crime.